Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
