if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
