I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
