you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
