if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
