i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
