dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
