so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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