I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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