problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
