apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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