pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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