we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Everyone says I win the strip club
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
