Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
