you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
