Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
