I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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