I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
