Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
