I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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