is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
