I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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