I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
