Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
