I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
