He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
