Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
