I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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