So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
