She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
