8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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