so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
