Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
