You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
