I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
