go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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