This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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