I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
