At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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