you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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