Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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