I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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