Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
