Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
