we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
