i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he thought i was a dude.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
