How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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