I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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