In the future we'll all be gay
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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