Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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