So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
