I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
