batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
